I read a book a while back that was about a man who had been hurt by his family and his girlfriend. He was graduating as valedictorian of his class, and nobody in his family came to the graduation. His girlfriend also did not come. All of them went to a party for his sister. I can't remember what the party was for, but it was something that could have been rescheduled to not interfere with his graduation.
After that, he went home and packed and left early for college. He did not speak to his family or the girlfriend again once they kept downplaying his graduation and didn't offer an apology for not showing up.
The book fast forwards and the man is now married and is extremely successful, like front page of business magazines successful. His family begins to reach out and the man and his wife begin to discuss this concept of forgiveness versus access.
Forgiveness is defined as the voluntary decision to let go of anger and resentment for someone who has hurt you. You don't have to excuse or forget the offense when you forgive someone. Forgiveness is truly more for you than it is for the other person.
The part of the book that stuck out to me was when they said that just because you have forgiven someone does not grant them access to you. Which makes sense, because after all, forgiveness isn't about excusing or forgetting the harm that was done to you.
I think it can be a hard to remember that we don't have to allow people access to us. And the people we forgive will sometimes try to make us feel guilty for not allowing them the same level of access they had to us previously. I think this is an important lesson to teach young people and to remind ourselves that boundaries are ok and that we can forgive someone but not allow them access to our peace.
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